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So, tell me more about polyamory... 2007-05-03 12:36:00 I think poly can be learned. My wife learned that it is possible to love many people and that's it's possible for me to love many people without hurting our relationship or the love we have for each other. She used to be extremely jealous of me spending any time with other women... even if I was only talking to them. Through discussion, we learned that her concern was based on her low self-esteem. In a sense, she couldn't understand how I could not want to leave her to be with another woman, especially if she felt that the other woman had more to offer than her. The other problem is that she equated love with sex and sex as being love. If another woman and I danced sensually, she would figure that I wanted to have sex with her and therefore I must be in love with her. She could never believe that I didn't get turned on dancing sensually with other woman. It didn't fit into her understanding of relationships. This was mostly due to her strict Christian upbringing that told her that
So, tell me about polyamory... 2007-05-03 12:35:00 I am both happy and apprehensive that you ask me about that. It is a very controversial area, and so whenever I talk about it, I am opening myself up to judgement. Other polyamorous people who are "out" have said that this lifestyle option is right now at the same place in the public eye that gay/lesbian/bi people were viewed several decades ago. Essentially, polyamory is a lifestyle option where a person maintains/allows/pursues simultaneous multiple intimate/romantic relationships. It is the opposite of monogamy, which states that a person should have only ONE lover at a time (and until recently it was defined strictly in the context of marriage). Monogamy is so ingrained in our culture that it is just assumed. Even discussing polyamory to some people literally blows their circuits since they can't even imagine anything else. There are different variations of polyamory. For example, some believe it is o.k. only in a group marriage context. Others, like me, are more loose and relaxed
The Lingam Massage (for Men) 2007-05-03 12:31:00 The Sanskrit word for the male sexual organ is Lingam (pronounced LING-AHM, [LING rhymes with sing]) and is loosely translated as "Wand of Light." Its meaning is different in intention from the typical Western view of the penis (i.e., Cock, Prick, Dong, Dick, etc., words that may come from a limited perspective, depending on the intent of their usage). In Tantra/Sacred Sexuality, the Lingam is respectfully viewed and honored, a "Wand of Light" that channels creative energy and pleasure. The purpose of the Lingam Massage is to create a space the receiver to relax, and receive expanded pleasure from his Lingam. His partner (the giver) experiences the joy of facilitating and witnessing the man surrendering to his softer, gentler side. The Lingam Massage can be used as a form of safer sex (when latex gloves are used) and is an excellent process to build trust and intimacy. It is often used to help men heal from negative sexual conditioning and trauma. Orgasm is not the goal of the Lingam m
Erotic Massage sixteen 2007-05-02 12:20:00 PROCEDURE: Have the receiver lie on her back with pillows under her head so she can look down at her genitals and up at her partner (giver). Place a pillow, covered with a towel, under her hips. Her legs are to be spread apart with the knees slightly bent (pillows or cushions under the knees will also help) and her genitals clearly exposed for the massage. The giver sits cross-legged between the receivers' legs. The giver may wish to sit on a pillow or cushion. This position allows full access to the Yoni and other parts of the body. Before contacting the body, begin with deep, relaxed breathing. Both giver and receiver should remember to keep breathing deeply, slowly and with relaxation during the entire process. The giver will gently remind the receiver to start breathing again if the receiver stops or takes shallower breaths. Deep breathing, not hyperventilating, is very important here. Gently massage the legs, abdomen, thighs, breasts, etc., to get the receiver to relax and for th Read more:Erotic, Massage, Erotic Massage
Erotic Massage Fifteen 2007-04-27 07:53:00 Basic Massage TechniqueMaintain contact with your partner. Put oils/lotions in your hand first, to be sure they are warm. Start with light and general strokes before doing deep and direct work on any given area. Repeated, slow strokes are relaxing. Fast, light strokes are invigorating. Deep, draining strokes on arms and legs should be done towards the heart rather than away from it. Massaging severely vericose veins deeply and directly is probably a bad idea. With other conditions use common sense, getting a doctor's opinion if necessary. Offer the receiving partner a glass of water afterwards. For a variety of reasons, water is especially valuable to the body after a massage. Receiving Quality MassageA great way to improve one's massage skills is to receive quality, non-sexual massage from a licensed practitioner. THE YONI MASSAGE (for Women) Yoni (pronounced YO-NEE) is a Sanskrit word for the vagina that is loosely translated as "Sacred Space" or "Sacred Temple." Its meaning and u Read more:Erotic, Erotic Massage
Erotic Massage fourteen 2007-04-26 17:59:00 Why Relaxation Massage?It's a great way to give someone an experience of being totally taken care of and free of any responsibilities. It's good for the body. Any book on therapeutic massage will list a number of positive, documented effects of massage on the body and mind. It feels good. Why Erotic Massage?Erotic massage is one of the best ways to help someone achieve extended, multiple, or "whole body" orgasmic states. You can't get pregnant from erotic massage, even if you aren't using any sort of birth control. Thus, it's a great way for male/female couples without access to birth control to make love. When intact latex gloves are used, there is no risk of STD transmission regardless of what sort of genital or anal pleasuring is being performed. Most people find latex gloves easier to deal with and less intrusive than condoms or dental dams. Furthermore, if your skin is healthy and you aren't going to be coming into contact with infected skin or body fluids, then Read more:Erotic Massage
A men's world 2007-04-25 08:21:00 The most common of the unprintable words for erotic-sexual activity--'fuck', `screw', `bang', and many others--all carry the implication in their very syntax of activity on the part of the male and passivity on the part of the female so that the very language rules governing this descriptive vocabulary entail male dominance. For a second example, consider the terms used most often by men to refer to women. Such terms may represent women as various kinds or parts of animal (e.g. `chick', `bird', `fox', `pussy', `tail', `piece of ass', `cow'); as playthings (e.g. `babe', `doll'); as fetishised body parts (e.g. `cunt', `puss', `piece'); as frivolous edible products (`sugar', `honey', `cupcake', `cookie', `crumpet', `dish', `peach', `cherry', `tart'). Third, given all this, it is not surprising that our most common euphemism for erotic sexual activity is also `'gender-corrupted''. `Intercourse' is a fine word on the road to swift degradation. Not because of its
Etiquette and Tips 2007-04-24 09:12:00 ``The Big Secret'' Swinging is primarily a social activity, and the ordinary social customs of being courteous, initiating conversation, getting to know people, and letting trusted acquaintances become friends are no different from any other walk of life. Put another way, it's your ability to form friendships with couples, as a couple, that will ultimately determine the quality of your experience in the swing community."Anything that involves sex is erotic...but in erotic everything is in the mind..."
If You Have Privacy Concerns... 2007-04-24 09:10:00 Being inadvertently ``outed'' (e.g. to family members or one's employer) is a concern for many. In my experience, swingers are very sensitive to this issue and expect each other to be discreet when discussing parties outside the club. I was more than a little surprised by what the Adjudicative Desk Reference(which the Department of Defense uses to help guide security clearance decisions) has to say about swinging: Depending upon recency and frequency, participation in any form of group sex may contribute to a decision against security approval if it is part of a pattern of dissolute behavior (drinking, drugs, gambling), high risk behavior, or emotional immaturity. It may not be a significant security concern if pursued discretely, and if subject shows no other behavioral weaknesses and medical evaluation indicates no emotional instability. Potential for influence or coercion may not be a significant security issue if the swinging is a consensual activity with one's spouse or primar
Why Do People Like Swinging? 2007-04-23 08:56:00 Here are some of the reasons that swingers have mentioned in surveys (paraphrased, in some cases): Variety of sexual partners and experiences Pleasure and excitement Increased social life Watching others so as to learn new techniques for your spouse Overcoming sexual inhibitions ``Recapturing one's youth'' Feeling reassured that you're still attractive and desirable Increasing mutual attraction and love within the marriage! Here are some other reasons (paraphrased) : It's an opportunity to re-create that ``first date'' feeling of anticipation and excitement, in a safe way that won't harm your marriage, and to exercise social skills (e.g. flirting) that you may not have used in along time. It's human nature to appreciate someone even more if you notice other people desiring them, which may explain why swinging makes me feel even more attracted to my partner. Although this may vary slightly from club to club, I've found the swinging community to be quite accepting of a wide var
A Complete Erotic Massage for Men 2007-04-22 11:19:00 STEP ONEPerform a general full body massage with oil (almond oil works fine, but you may wish to massage the back with cornstarch instead for easier clean-up). Begin with the back and include the backs of the legs. Then have the person on the table roll over, and perform a general massage on the front. Brush over the whole body, including the pubic region. STEP TWOPerform one or more of the massage strokes detailed in the school's Fire on the Mountain videotape, possibly including some of the anal massage techniques explored in Rosebud Massage videotape. STEP THREEPlease read "General Ideas" below to be able to make sense of step three. Basically, build the energy of the massage to the point of performing the "Big Draw". Stop touching when this is done, and cocoon the receiving partner with a sheet. After 5-10 minutes, uncover and towel off oil."Anything that involves sex is erotic...but in erotic everything is in the mind..." Read more:Erotic
GENERAL IDEAS for massage 2007-04-22 11:18:00 Avoiding EjaculationThe experience of this type of massage is enhanced if one does NOT ejaculate (during the massage, during the "Big Draw", and afterwards). The "Big Draw"The "Big Draw" is a time, as the massage reaches its climax, when the person receiving massage takes a series of seven deep breaths. The person performing the massage then steps back (and stays stepped back) while the person receiving the massage then proceeds to lift the back and legs a bit (as if doing a "crunch"), holds his breath, and proceeds to firmly clench every muscle in the body and hold that position for 20 seconds. This is then followed by total relaxation and resuming regular breathing. It isn't uncommon for this to provoke "emotional release", or other such reactions. The person performing the massage should stay attentive and watch the person on the table ("holding the space") but shouldn't otherwise interfere. It's a good idea to cover the person up with the sheet or blanket after the "Big Draw", a Read more:Massage
The right road to SEX 2007-04-21 12:29:00 There is no question that sexually we are a society in limbo.Children and adults had everything fairly well defined.They knew what was considered to be right, what was viewed as wrong, and what lay between.Now it seems as if everything lies in between.Without clear boundaries or defined guidelines for behavior, we are "Struggling between two worlds, one dead, the other waiting to be born".We have been given lifelong training in accepting the restraints of social convention, and it is difficult to find ways to trascend what we have unquestioningly accepted in search of something new.Probably the most significant obstacle to forging new conventions is the wide variety of alternatives that the sexual revolution has generated.Most people of today are afraid of their own freedom.They do not know where the limits are and they are desperately seeking some set of rules to provide them with reasonable boundaries for behavior.Men and women can develop for themselves a comfortable moral code that
Number one: heterosexual cunnilingus 2007-04-19 12:50:00 Women rated cunnilingus as their most preferred activity, most likely because of the intense physiological pleasure that occurs when a soft tongue caresses the clitoris.Freud's theoretical insistence that only a vaginal orgasm could be considered a mature orgasm has been previously disproven and it is clear that many mature women are opting for the pleasure of clitoridal stimulation and orgasm over full vaginal penetration by the penis.Interesting enough, however, women rarely articulate or acknowledge this preference to men.Often women feel guilty in asking for cunnilingus because they feel they are being "selfish" or are not attending to the needs of the male.Also, negative learning experiences in chilhood and adolescence reinforce a woman's feeling that the vagina and the clitoris are "dirty" areas of their body and that a man would be repulsed or disgusted by oral contact with them.Obviously, what a woman learns as appropriate sexual behavior is not synonymous with the actual act Read more:Cunnilingus
What sexual activirties women prefer for themselves 2007-04-19 12:38:00 While we may emphasize the difference that exists between the average male and female, it should be borne in mind that there are many individuals...who widely depart from these averages.Preferences for particular sexual activities are highly individual and private.I provide the sexual preferences of a particular sampling of the population.In matter of sex, the individual man or woman is the best person to determine what is exciting and fulfilling for himself or herself.The preference for sexual activity was measured by the degree of excitatory response to photographic representetions of sexual themes.1) Heterosexual cunnilingus: oral sex, male on female.2) Triad: two males and one female joined together and engaged in coitus and/or oral-genital activity.3) Heterosexual petting, both nude.4) Heterosexual intercourse, female on top of male.5) Heterosexual petting, both partially clad.6) Heterosexual intercourse, male on top of female.7) Sadomasochism, male on female.8) Nude male.9) Heter
Our sexual awakenings 2007-04-18 13:54:00 Reminiscing about our sexual awakenings, most of us recall a vivid time that passed with glacial slowness.We gathered information randomly, poring over pulp magazines, clandestinely comparing our anatomies, blundering in upon lovers locked in stolen embraces, or overhearing conversations not meant for our ears.We consulted the dictionary, with thwarted our search with rebounding synonyms and glaring omissions.We puzzled over the meaning of ambiguous phrases like "he took her" or "she came" knowing there was more to these familiar words than we understood.Our awkward revelations left us unsettled and aroused.We took our cues from friends and older relatives and learned to disguise our naiveté with sophisticated trappings: stockings, lipsticks, earrings.We spent eternities sunbathing, shampooing, grooming for that first kiss.What a relief when it finally came, even though it fell far short of the delirium of "movie star kisses"!In the recollections that follow, we allowed ourselves to b
Tantric sex: how I experenced it... 2007-04-16 09:02:00 I felt very lusty and the children were all gone. It was late in the afternoon. I told him I wanted to try Tantric sex."What's that?""It's when you don't move, and I'm not sure if you're supposed to have an orgasm."So we got completely undressed, sat down on the floor, and began.Step number one was very strange for me. The position was easy enough to assume, but "resting my gaze on the left eye of the other and meditating, eyes open, for 5 to 10 minutes" made me very uncomfortable. It was as though that eye had been disembodied and was free-floating. It could as easily have been a stranger or a statue I was gazing at. I always seek eye contact with people to whom I'm speaking, but this was different, bizarre. Maybe I could learn to like it.Step number two started off very badly. While replicating the rhythm of his breath in his ear, my stomach kept sending little gurgles upward to my throat — it was very distracting and very unerotic. I really tried hard not to laugh. We shifte
Tantric Sex 2007-04-16 09:01:00 Directions for Tantric sex:1. Man and woman sit nude on floor, facing each other. The woman moves as close to the man as possible and puts her legs over the man's legs and around his body. The man circles her body with his legs. The arms are relaxed on the partners' hips. Both take several deep breaths, rest their gaze on the left eye of the other and meditate together, eyes open, for 5 to 10 minutes.2. The partners move closer, and the woman puts her mouth near the man's left ear. Feeling the movement of his breath, she replicates the rhythm in his ear, breathing his breath. (Do this meditation for 5 minutes.) They move their heads to the other side and the man replicates the rhythm of the woman's breath. (Do for 5 minutes.) They shift heads again. Starting with their individual rhythms, the partners slowly arrive at a common rhythm, "breathing the one breath." (Continue this meditation for as long as is enjoyable.)3. After gentle loveplay, the woman introduces the erect penis
Prince Charming 2007-04-15 08:47:00 They tell methere is noPrince Charming.He is a fantasyof the unliberatedmasses.Then why do I strokeyour silky skinwith such pleasureand caress yourlean back withtrembling fingers?If you aren't Prince CharmingWho are you?Jenna York"Anything that involves sex is erotic...but in erotic everything is in the mind..."
The exotic taste of The Forbidden Fruit 2007-04-15 08:35:00 A few of us, especially the ones from religious backgrounds, had the opportunity to acquire a sense of sin at an early age.The ensuing war between the flesh and spirit infused sexual experience with matchless intensity and produced enough psychological fallout to taint a lifetime.The list of sins grew as fast as we did.Instead of quashing our lust, the concept of sin turned fleeting thoughts into erotic dynamite.The denial can be most arousing was borne out in the zeal with which we engaged in discussions about the forbidden.Our verbal debaucheries incited us to break lifelong taboos and to unleash censored passions.Those of us who had the misfortune to have grown up rationally in more liberal climates sometimes yearn for what which we were denied: The exotic taste of Forbidden Fruit."Anything that involves sex is erotic...but in erotic everything is in the mind..." Read more:Exotic
But, what is eroticism? 2007-04-14 09:49:00 Eroticism is the most powerful weapon women have.The alphabet has 22 letters, music seven notes and eroticism millions of nuances.It's like cooking, you have to mix flavors in a way that there is nothing predominant, but the result is an harmonious mixture of all, and the whole upgrades the taste of the food you're cooking.Curry is sex and the nicoise salad is eroticism.In the first the spicy taste kills every other, in the second the mixture of olive, eggs, herbs and tomatoes gives a unique flavor to it."Anything that involves sex is erotic...but in erotic everything is in the mind..."
Men and women's sexual stimuli are very different while viewing erotic images 2007-04-14 08:02:00 "If you thought that the first thing that attracts a man to a woman is her body rather than her face, and that the first thing a woman sees in a man is his face rather than his body, well then you better think again, for a new study has found that the exact opposite is true for both cases."Although our bodies, in art and in life, are capable of inciting passion merely by being stripped of clothing, the excitement of the male body is less in the way it looks than in the way it does. The male hero may be paunchy, stoop-shouldered, pale, or thin; his appeal lay elsewhere — in the way he looks at us, the way he moves or speaks, how he explors our body. It is in his body language, we realize, that we revel, and in this sense hesitancy can be as appealing as sureness and playfulness as tantalizing as heavy breathing. When we focus on his body as object, it is usually a detail — a head of thick, sensuous hair (and gray hair, at that) or a massive hand. In describing our own bodies, most o Read more:Erotic
Addressed to a Penis Owner 2007-04-13 10:42:00 We are not anti-penis. In the feminine experience the penis can add the finishing touch to satisfaction, but it is not sine qua non. No, indeed. We have been brainwashed into paying more homage than is due this particular attachment of the male anatomy, and far too much has been made of its rise and fall. The fact that we admire a Greek statue no less when the penis has crumbled off should be sufficient proof that male beauty does not depend on this unique feature. Freud, of course, was wrong when he claimed that women suffer from penis envy — it is the men who do. Sadly, a man without a penis is no man at all in our culture, and in male mythology the penis distinguishes a valiant man from a timid one.We do appreciate a lusty penis when it knows its place. Penis owners should keep in mind that a well-trained penis is a joy to hold and cuddle. If it knows a trick or two, so much the better. A well-behaved penis is indeed woman's best friend, but we object to those mindless penises th
The Ethical Slut 2007-04-12 13:13:00 Polyamory is a relationship style (and style of living) involving the creation of "intimate networks" of friends, partners, and lovers. It is also referred to as "responsible non-monogamy." Since this is done without hiding one's relationships from anyone else in one's life, it requires a high level of integrity, honesty, and communication. One book in particular stands out when it comes to multi-partner relationships: The Ethical Slut. HAVE YOU EVER -- FINALLY, AND AT LONG LAST --connected with a lover you adored, and your world suddenly lit with passion beaming back from every face... but you couldn't do a thing about it because of the threat to your relationship?Or have you ever been out and exchanged eye contact with a really cute guy who smiled at you, then felt your boyfriend wince, shut down and become pissy for the rest of the evening and half of the next day? Have you got a crush on your best friend's girlfriend, or your girlfriend's best friend, and you both want to meet
Avoid intimacy ( how to f..k up three) 2007-04-12 13:10:00 This may seem paradoxical; after all, we're talking about getting up-close and personal with as many hot bi babes -- er, ahem -- we're discussing achieving satisfyingly close relationships with a number of people, right? The trick of avoiding intimacy can be performed in several ways, but the easiest is to confuse intimacy with "rubbing slippery bits together". Substitute the words "sex" and "love" for each other often in conversations. Repeat the mantra, "If you loved me, you'd know what I want." According to the needs of the moment, figure out whether action or words are more likely to be ambiguous or misconstrued, and go with what gives you the most plausible deniability later. Some exceptionally talented individuals manage to give the impression of being intimate while successfully remaining stone-cold. Study sales techniques for pointers. People with good "lines" fall into this category, especially if the lines include explanations of how they truly value the other person."Anyt
Embellishments (G spot two) 2007-04-11 09:12:00 Some couples find it erotic and pleasurable when the insertive partner thrusts his or her hand in and out and in and out (and for an extra thrill, possibly exerts pressure upwards when withdrawing to involve her G-spot a little more). It might also feel good to her for you to use your thumb to rub her clitoris while the first two fingers of your hand rest, move in circles, rub her G-spot, or thrust in and out. Your non-insertive hand can do an almost endlessly delicious variety of things. You might try: Holding the "penetratee" Gliding your hand all over her body Depending on your mutual comfort levels with "power" play and anal play, you might also experiment with one or more of the following: Firmly grabbing her hair while kissing her Holding her hands above her head Pinching her nipples Penetrating or just massaging the outside of her anus (especially if she's lying on her side) You can also lie down or crouch so that your head is next to hers and whisper hot things in her ear (inc
Pushing (how to fu..k up two) 2007-04-11 09:09:00 This is an art, albeit a crude one. Pushing can achieve spectacular negative results in even a short time. Remember, when pushing, only your satisfaction counts! It's a dog eat dog world, and you're a pit bull. Emotional and mental bullying can be as satisfying as old-fashioned physical coercion, and not nearly as easily prosecutable. Play on insecurity. This is an old favorite. Using sexual insecurity as a weapon and is a four-star winner. Attempting to control one's partner(s) by manipulating them through their insecurities is a sure-fire f***-up tactic. It's so much more delicate than simply beating them up, too, though the resultant emotional damage can be remarkably similar."Anything that involves sex is erotic...but in erotic everything is in the mind..."
How to f*** up ONE 2007-04-10 09:07:00 The preceding list of answers to questions about polyamory is not a guide to how to have a working polyamorous relationship, although we have strong anecdotal evidence that the tools mentioned are useful in all sorts of relationships, mono and poly. We do, however, have the following guide of carefully tested methods for making mistakes in polyamorous relationships. With proper application and ingenuity, these methods may impair or destroy monogamous relationships as well; they're truly multipurpose tools. We post this listing for your consideration; no liability expressed or implied. Lie. This is basic and effective. To maximize bad results, lie about something important to the other person(s) and arrange to be caught in the lie in such a way as to produce maximum shock. Additional stress points awarded for keeping the lie going for a while before discovery, which increases the disorientation and sense of betrayal in the deceived person(s). Lying about sex gets double points. Lying a
"Tantric" Sex 2007-04-10 09:03:00 In the West, "Tantra" is used as a catchall word that refers to many different types of eroticism with spiritual components. These sexual practices typically involve ritual preparation and consecration of the space, energetic exercises designed to connect the participants with each other, and some sort of ritual sexuality combined with meditation and/or visualization. For men, ejaculation is typically deemphasized in favor of non-ejaculatory "energy" orgasms.This is a big topic, and you would probably want to do a bit of reading if you're curious about it. However, there are several simple techniques you can try which will probably enhance your existing form of making love.Without a doubt, the single most powerful thing you can do while making love to increase your sense of spiritual connection with your partner is to initiate and maintain eye contact. To augment this, try breathing in unison deeply and rhythmicly (the "bliss breath," a form synchronized breathing which includes sippi
Male and Female Arousal Patterns 2007-04-05 09:03:00 It seems to be a fact of life that, on the average, women take longer to become aroused than men (though women are often able to experience deep, multiple orgasms without the refractory period that men go through, so I suppose it's only fair...). Having intercourse before full arousal rarely feels good for women. For many male/female couples, the best approach may be to enjoy a lot of foreplay followed by a lot of cunnilingus (or something similarly pleasurable) before engaging in intercourse.It is much more common for women to be pre-orgasmic (i.e. to have never experienced an orgasm) than it is for men. A good thing to buy, if you are a pre-orgasmic woman, is a plug-in vibrator."Anything that involves sex is erotic...but in erotic everything is in the mind..."
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