Owner: Stephanotis floribunda URL:http://www.stephanotisfloribunda.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Fri, 23 Feb 2007 12:45:39 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: Stephanotis Floribunda: Humor & eroticism. The blog for your daily dosis of top quality jokes, cartoons, erotic pictures, flash media, games and much more.
New blog: Stephanotis Movies 2007-03-09 21:31:00 A new blog has been created, dedicated to movies only. Have a peek and tell me what you think of it. Go to Stephanotis Movies Now! Read more:Blog
The Shiny-Walled Box Thingie 2007-03-08 21:43:00 An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.The lad asked, "What is this, father?"The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "I have no idea what it is."While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."
Broken Computer 2007-03-08 21:36:00 Actual dialog of a former Wordperfect Customer Support employee:"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?""Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.""What sort of trouble?""Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.""Went away?""They disappeared.""Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?""Nothing.""Nothing?""It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.""Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?""How do I tell?""Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?""What's a sea-prompt?""Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?""There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.""Does your monitor have a power indicator?""What's a monitor?""It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?""I don't know.""Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it.Can you see that?"......"Yes, I think so.""
The Purple Gorilla 2007-03-08 21:28:00 A man walks into a bar and starts to drink.After he is pretty well sozzled, one of the bartenders starts to talk about his pet, a fun loving purple gorilla. The drunken man demands to see this purple gorilla. The bartender refuses at first, but in the end is convinced to show his prize animal."But whatever you do, don't you touch my purple gorilla." he tells the now drunk customer.He closes the bar, and leads the drunk through a back door and down a great many flights of stairs, at the bottom of which is a heavy steel door with a heavy iron padlock.As the bartender fumbles with the lock, he reminds the drunk, "Remember, you promised not to touch my purple gorilla."Through the door they walk down an immense hallway, so long the other end was lost in the distance. Constantly as they walked, the bartender repeated his warnings not to touch the purple gorilla.At the end of the hallway was a 20 foot tall rough wooden door bound in brass, with three great steel sliding bolts. Acting as thou
Dead mother 2007-03-08 21:19:00 A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.""I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?""No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"
Women and football pitches 2007-03-07 22:19:00 Why Women are like Football Pitches:There is a vast difference in grounds with regards to length & width, thus varying the quality of play.Pitches vary from the well-grassed to the completely bald.It's possible to score at both ends.After a few pints, a ground appears to be of Premiership quality but in reality would not even be eligible as a council dumping ground.Certain grounds offer 5-a-side facilities.It's bad manners to discuss pitches previously played on......as is fantasising about the desire to play at Wembley.You have to ask permission before leaving the pitch and entering the tunnel.Eastern European grounds are frequently grassier.French grounds are nice to look at, but there can be an awful smell coming from the terraces.
Dave and Mary 2007-03-07 22:16:00 Dave took Mary to the doctor. After an extensive examination the doctor said, "I'm sorry to inform you that your wife's mind is completely gone."Dave replied, "I'm not surprised. It's amazing that it lasted this long. She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past seven years!"
Headache 2007-03-07 22:15:00 A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache.""Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!"
Single 2007-03-07 22:13:00 A girl walks into a supermarket and buys the following:1 bar of soap1 toothbrush1 tube of toothpaste1 loaf of bread1 pint of milk1 apple1 banana1 orange1 plum1 peach1 grapefruit1 tomato1 lettuce1 cabbage1 baking potato1 kraft single1 samosa1 vegetable pakora1 muesli bar1 pie1 single serving of cereal1 single frozen dinner1 single frozen pizzaThe checkout guy looks at her, smiles, and says, "Single, huh?"The girl smiles sheepishly and replies, "How'd you guess?"He says, "Because you're fuckin' ugly."
Cavemen 2007-03-07 22:11:00 Why did cavemen drag their women around by the hair?If you dragged them by the feet they filled with dirt.
First time 2007-03-07 22:05:00 A couple were sitting up waiting for their fifteen year old son to come home from a social engagement when the boy comes into the house with a big smile on his face."Hi Mom! Hi Dad!” he said breathlessly. "Guess what? I've just had sex for the first time and it was wonderful."His mother turned bright red and said to her husband, "He's your son. You talk to him." Then she left the room.The father said, "Son, that's great. Now you've become a man and I'm proud of you. I'm going to celebrate the occasion by buying you that ten-speed bike you've been wanting. I hope you don't mind waiting till pay-day to get it"."That's OK Dad," said the boy. "I couldn't ride it right now anyway. My ass is too sore.”
Funeral service 2007-03-07 22:04:00 A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the coffin out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the coffin. They hear a faint moan, open the casket and find that the woman is still alive.She lives for ten more years and then dies peacefully. A ceremony is again held at the same place and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the coffin. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch the wall!"
Nursing home 2007-03-07 22:01:00 An old man in the nursing home got a bottle of wine for his birthday. He talked the old lady in the next room into sharing it with him.After they were both totally bombed, he started groping the old lady and pulling at her clothes. He managed to get her blouse and bra off before she stopped him."I can't do this," she said. "I have acute angina."The old guy says, "God, I hope so. You've got the ugliest tits I've ever seen."
Mate Match 2007-03-07 21:58:00 Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this:Many Sydney folks did hear this on the Fox FM morning show in Sydney.The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called 'Mate Match'. The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers 'yes', he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly,they both win the prize.One particular game however, several months ago made the Harbour City drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing you've heard.Anyway, here's how it all went down:DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on Fox FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?"Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win. What is your
Sexy slender Mirta 2007-03-07 21:13:00 Adobe Flash Player Download Center
The horse 2007-03-07 20:49:00 A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a frying pan."What the hell was that for?" he asked."That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it," she replied."But you don't understand," he pleaded. "Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on.""Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation."Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, "What was that for?" he begged."Your horse called!"
Potential & reality 2007-03-07 20:45:00 A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."The kid is puzzled, but decides to ask his mother. "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?""Don't tell your father, but yes, I would."He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!"The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we are living with two sluts."
Two black eyes 2007-03-06 21:16:00 A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye.""Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asked."Well," the man said, "I figured she didn't want it out, so I pushed it back in." Read more:Black
Cure for a cough 2007-03-06 21:13:00 The owner of a drugstore walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall with an odd look on his face.The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"The clerk says, "Well, he came in here at 7 A.M. to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxatives."The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"
Bad husband's routine 2007-03-06 21:11:00 A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before."Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?""She's in the ladies' bowling league, honey," he says. "We share lanes with them."A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says, "Hi, Davey! Want your usual table dance, big boy?"Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of h
Confucius Say 2007-03-04 12:15:00 Woman who goes to man's apartment for snack, gets titbit.Man who lay woman on ground, get peace on earth.Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding the bag.Man who kisses girl's behind, gets crack in face.Passionate kiss like spider web - lead to undoing of fly.Man with holes in pocket, feels cocky all day.Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.Virginity like balloon - one prick, all gone.Girls who rides bicycle, peddles ass all over town.He who farts in church, sits in own pew.Baseball all wrong - man with four balls can't walk.Man who live in glass house, dress in basement.Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.Man with penis in peanut butter is ------- nuts.Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time.Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent.Man who go to bed with sex on mind wake up with solution in hand.
The Army's Camel 2007-03-04 12:09:00 A Captain in the foreign legion was transfered to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sargent leading the tour,"What's the camel for?".The Sargent replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel."The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me."After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sargent, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!" The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters.The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sargent, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"The Sargent replied, "Well sir, they usually just use the camel to ride into town to find the women
Japanese highspeed camera 2007-02-25 23:29:00 All the oooh's, wow's and aaah's make this video even better. The Japanese just never seize to amaze. They are such children.
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